Adventures In Babysitting
by Artemis Lives
Summary: A rather odd little fic that was the result of an 'RPG' between a former friend and I. Remus is babysitting tonight, and it's...well, Sirius, but not the Sirius you might be used to. Please R


"Come on, Sirius, almost finished," Remus said soothingly, as he struggled to finished typing the diaper onto baby Sirius, who was squirming uncontrollably. "You should eat after this, you haven't had your supper yet."

"Shan't change and shan't eat! " Sirius stated defiantly, crossing his arms over his chest, and poking his lip out.

Remus smirked and shook his head. "Well I'm finished anyway. And it's a good thing too- how will you get girls with stinky diapers? Will I have to do _everything _for you?"

Sirius grinned a toothy grin showing off four teeth, and replied, "One thing the baby can do that Remmy the sitter can't is get girls to follow him anywhere he goes, stinky diapers or not!"

Remus, mouth open, turned to Sirius who was beaming like he had just won a Quidditch trophy. "Oh dear, that was low, baby Siri, _I _think you need a time-out." Remus paused and pretended to think hard while Siri watched him with a fearful expression. "Aha, I think I know..." said Remus after awhile, "how about no sweets for, say...a month?"

Baby Sirius' mouth dropped and let out a wail. "Waaah! Remmy! Siri wants his sweets!" He jumped off the table, wailing at the top of his lungs, and latched onto Remus' leg.

Remus watched the little boy bawling pathetically and shook his head amusedly. "Oh no you don't, pouting and crying won't get you anywhere, _especially_ not when babysitter Remmy's in charge."

Sirius looked up at Remus through his shiny black bangs that hung down to his nose, staring up with those adorable teary-blue puppy-dog eyes. "Pwease Remmy? Siri wuvs you." He then flashed an innocent little boyish smile that made Remus' heart melt, and laugh heartily.

"Aw, that's so adorable, baby Siri," Remus said, playing along, and patting Sirius on the top of the head gently, "but as baby Siri already knows, babysitter Remmy doesn't back down from anything."

Sirius widened his eyes and frowned. "Babysitter Remmy says Siri should eat, but Remmy ain't giving Siri any sweets so Siri gonna starve!" He started waving his hands about melodramatically. "Don't make Siri starve, Remmy!"

Remus gave Sirius a playful-stern look, and replied, "Siri won't starve by not having any sweets, but can start with a nice bit of Butterbeer first." He smiled as Sirius' eyes lit up.

"Yay!" Sirius squealed, hugging Remus even tighter round the legs. "Remmy good baby sitter!"

Remus found this behaviour a tad suspicious, and in a few seconds found out why, when Sirius pulls away and Remus find his legs locked together, with Sirius brandishing Remus' wand he had sneakily retrieved from Remus' back pocket. "No day is complete without some good mischief," Sirius declared, grinning broadly.

Remus smiled to himself, and then down at Siri who thought that with his wand, he can get as much Butterbeer from the cupboard as he wants, along with other sweets. But Remus reminded Sirius that Siri doesn't yet know the spell to unlock the cupboard, and until he unlocks Remmy's legs, Siri will never get any more sweets when with Remmy.

Sirius giggled and called Pete over who was sitting in the corner. Both boys sat down on Remus while Pete pulled his secret stash of sweets out of his back pocket, and they started to chow down. "Yum yum!" Sirius and Pete replied, mouths full of Chocolate Frogs.

Remus shook his head, realising there was no way he alone could overpower the stomachs of both Siri and Pete combined.

Baby Siri noticed the look on Remus' face, and said, "Aww, poor Remmy," patting Remus on the head. But mischief returning to his face, Sirius added, "But no getting up till Siri niiiiiiiiiiiice and full."

Remus shook his head, but suddenly said, "But I just remembered that this night is one of the full moon, and that the Wolf in babysitter Remmy will emerge and gobble up Siri and Pete!" He finished in a scary voice, and even with his legs locked managed to tower over the two boys.

"EEK!" Siri and Pete squealed and jump up and run away huddling in a corner where they hoped Remmy Wolf wouldn't find them and gobble them up along with their precious sweets.

Remus grinned evilly , still sitting on the floor, where the boys had left him, and said out loud, "Siri and Pete's attempts to hide are futile, as they both very well know Remmy the wolf has a very potent sense of smell, hearing, and sight, and that no matter where they are, Remmy the Babysitter Wolf will find them! Mwuahahaha!"

"Siri and Pete gonna be eaten by evil Remmy Wolf-Man!" Sirius started wailing again, and began to cry. "Siri don't wanna get eaten!" Pete was latched onto Siri, making frightened, snivel noises.

Remus ceased his short prologue, and gazed up hopefully to the ceiling. "Only if Babysitter Remmy can get his legs unlocked and his wand back, only then can babysitter Remmy spare Siri and Pete their inevitable fate..."

Sirius stopped wailing suddenly, and instead a pout returned to his face, and pulled out Remus' wand (secretly shoving all the rest of his sweets in his pockets) and went back across the room to unlock Remus' legs.

Remus, out of the corner of his eye, spotted Baby Sirius shoving the sweets in his pocket and wagged his finger at Siri when he approached, with a knowing smile.

Sirius looked around innocently. "What?" he asked in an innocent voice. "Remmy don't want Siri to unlock Remmy's legs?" Sirius then held up the wand tauntingly, and grinned at Remus.

Remus shrugged absently. "Siri don't want to be eaten by Remmy the Wolf man?" He left a note of mystery in his last words, as Sirius gave him a frightened look and started to get teary-eyed again.

"Remmy wouldn't REALLY eat Siri and Pete would he? Remmy, Siri's best friend, Remmy wouldn't eat him would he?" Sirius blinked a few times questioningly, looking dangerously close to tears.

Remus grinned as Sirius took the bait. "Not if Siri AND Pete hand over ALL the sweets AND Remmy's wand..."

"But that's no fair!" Sirius stuck out his lower lip and furrowed his brow.

Remus sighed almost dreamily. "Life's not fair, baby Siri. Now," he continued taking on a business-like tone, "wand AND sweets. ALL of them."

Sirius dropped his eyes to the floor, and muttered, "Oh poop." He then got Pete (with much reluctance) to hand over all the sweets in his pockets as Siri gave up his. Remus gave Sirius a look and Siri sighed, finally handing over the wand. As Sirius went to walk back to Pete, he called out, "Remmy's a poopey-face bologna head!" Sirius crossed his arms and turned around to pout.

Remus quickly unlocked his legs, and stood before a pouting Siri and Pete, twirling his wand between his fingers. "Remmy also _always_ wins, because if you'd noticed boys, there's no full moon tonight." Grinning like a Cheshire cat, Remus pointed out the window, where a perfectly black sky was adorned with a crescent moon.

Sirius made a rather disgusting face and flopped down onto the ground, glaring at his feet. Pete smacked himself and started whimpering over his lost candy.

Remus chuckled to himself at the antics of the two boys, looking at Siri's and Pete's forlorn expressions. "Now, off to bed you lot," Remus ordered sternly, pointing to their bedroom, "otherwise the Wolf Man will get you." He said the last part with a twinkle in his eye.

Still pouting, Baby Siri and Pete trudged to their bedrooms, completely unaware that Babysitter Remmy had left them a SWEET surprise under their pillows...

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"But I'm not tired!" Sirius moaned, getting into his green pyjamas.

"OY! What's this?" Pete exclaimed from across the room.

Sirius looked over curiously. "What's what?" he inquired, still rather annoyed.

"FOOD!" Pete shouted triumphantly as he brandishes food from under his pillow, including a wide assortment of all the sweets he loved.

"EH! I want some!" Sirius shouted, reaching over and trying to steal Pete's food.

"Check under your own pillow!" Pete screeched, careful now to defend his food protectively this time.

"Fine." Sirius went back to his bed, and echoed, "FOOD!" wolfing down his share then, giggling, whams Pete in the head with his pillow. Pete jumps up, grabs his pillow and starts chasing baby Siri around the room in a flurry of feathers.

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Remus, outside, put his ear to the door where he could hear excited squeals of the boys tossing pillows about, and sighed contentedly. "I've got to baby-sit more often."

END


End file.
